The Turning of a Page (screwed up pun intended)

hi.

Nikia is my name, and conveniently I’ve included the phonetic pronunciation as my official WordPress username, so absolutely no excuse exists for you to say it incorrectly.  Plus, it is quite possible that many readers may never actually meet/know me “in person.”  Who knows?  Whew.  Now that we have settled that issue, we can move on to grander things such as why I no longer use my long-standing account with LiveJournal, or other more minor questions like why the sky is rarely pure uninterrupted blazing blue in Portland.  My mission is to make you care at least a little about ______ which you otherwise may have never ever considered caring.

So, some advertisement or another put the name “WordPress” in my mind, and I guess I couldn’t get it out!  And, since I went on a password-changing rampage during March due to a suddenly crazy (or maybe, sudden expression of what was already there) ex-boyfriend turned friend (Right.) I have been unable to log into my LiveJournal account.  Usually silly barriers like that are enough to keep me from coming back, and so my why bother mentality has mobilized my somewhat defunct interest in the blogosphere.  Ironic?  Yes.  But, good for the world nonetheless.  From the ashes of adversity, I have Phoenixed my way back, better than ever.  And, in order to prove it (I could give a shit, but this blog has to go somewhere), I would like to outline how this tool will not simply serve as another self-congratulatory corner sectioned off in an attempt to steal a place in this world.  Mentioning that I am part of the self-esteem generation is unnecessary, I think; it’s pretty obvious.  Now that I’ve recognized a problem, though, I intend to fight back.  Okay, so what was I saying?

Ahem, for approximately 5-6 years, LiveJournal and the fluxuating community of readers I kinda knew, received plenty of personal bitch sessions, even some inter-personal fights (those are fun over the web.  if you haven’t, try it out!), and also some celebrations.  That electronic journal holds entries (which I may never see again during this existence) that cover the first time I fell in love, and the times before that when I said I loved people but didn’t mean it in the same way.   That journal was limited in scope and influence, because emotion dominated my decisions about what to write.  Surely I was interested in more than heart-to-hearts, broken hearts, falling stars and emoticons, but the bulk of the writing stayed stuck in long-winded reverie, when simply put, there is more to life.  Love underscores everything, but I care about other angles too.

That journal was privy to many rants and raves, but was always missing something.  For one, it acted as a warm-up.  LiveJournal is the site where I indulged in ridiculously long-winded digital mega-phoning of my own perspective of the world (self-esteem generations!).  Regularly, others claim that I am the champion of emotional intelligence.  But, I must credit LiveJournal with its many not-so-mature moments (captured for easy access by a click of the calendar) for the latent consequences: insight, awareness, maturity, integrity, etc.  Because I allowed myself to be a blabbering fool for so many years, now I feel ready to take on the world in a different, more refined way.

Ordinary life has always been a fascinating subject…more than a few times I have recorded conversations happening on the public transportation system in Portland.  When an audience member got up at Show and Tell’s Open Mic and read his text message outbox, THRILLING!  My journal is full of make-believe story ideas based on real, daily monotony.  I make magic of the mundane.  However, ordinary life is, though fascinating, full of momentary feelings and lapses of judgment and insight for the future.  This blog is not intended to simply broadcast STUFF about which only I will nostalgically care later.  This WordPress will not be like a box full of mementos and memories with my past lovers stowed away in the closet on the top shelf.  Here, it will probably all come back to love, because love is a way of life, but I want to put my hand into life’s soil and feel its layers.  Feel the top’s texture and all the way to the sizzling center, touching the crust.  This journal will strive for synthesis.  This journal will search for synergy between all parts.  It will look at the whole and the pieces that combined to give it form.

Specifically, to keep us focused (Sometimes, I get a little lost in translation) this blog is beginning for the following purposes:

• To be a personal writing workshop.  When I find writing exercises, I’ll try them here.  Anything I write (a lot of times, only fragments come out), I will post here for my consideration and comments from my peers.  I remember the day that I realized in my head, the day the click happened, the day that I just felt with all my being that I was a writer.
• To discuss foster care/proctor care issues, ideas for the therapeutic foster home I plan to make before I’m thirty.  To keep up with news and interesting developments and all related to foster care systems.  Also, I will discuss my internal draw to make that my life’s work.
• To motivate, inspire and counsel myself, close friends and the community.  Helping other people become healthy is a responsibility to which I am committed and passionate.  Instead of only offering guidance individually, I will integrate that major part of me.
• To support and advertise causes and organizations that stand for meaningful enterprise and endeavor to enrich our communities.  Especially noteworthy will be sustainable practices, local focus, and creative problem solving.
• To occasionally work on grammar or come to terms with the fact that I am a grammatical loser, or to realize that I could be good, but am grammatically lazy. (Not too bad, though, ’cause my quick ABC check yielded nothing!)
• To practice organizing information, and spending each word carefully.
• To make writing more than a leisure activity.  Well, no, I want to keep it a leisure activity, but I will vow to write here at least once a week.

Please stop by, now and again.  Say hi.  Or, not.  Nice to meet you.